Everlasting, Most Holy God, I pray and beseech You to help me...
How I fear, how I dread, one day realizing that I have exhausted myself, investing time, money, and strength, all in vain.
How I fear, how I dread, in the twilight of my life, realizing that I have exerted myself so much effort for nothing.
Effort in vain, because I would have accomplished a work outside of Time, outside of Method, outside of the Circumstances You had predetermined,
Useless effort, because I would have begun a work with You, but would have abandoned You along the way, contenting myself with the pleasure and sensation the work provided,
Lost effort, because I would have accomplished a work that You would not recognize, that would not bear the seal of Your Approval.
The worst thing, Lord Jesus Christ, is that beyond this wasted effort,
The worst thing, Lord Jesus Christ, is that beyond this rejected work,
It is my very soul that could be rejected,
Because I would have replaced You in my heart with the work,
Because, blinded by the splendor of Your call, I would not have obeyed a clear and explicit command from You—O may my soul learn from Moses (Exodus 4:24-26)
Because, satisfied with the apparent success of the work, I would have allowed myself to be seduced by some sin—O may my heart learn from the error of David (2 Samuel 11)
Because, dazzled by the “proven” success of the work, I would have forgotten the most important thing: my own communion with You—O may my ears heed the counsel of Paul (1 Corinthians 9:27)
Because, preoccupied by the illusory demands of the work, I would have wallowed once again in the mire of iniquity—O Lord Jesus Christ, may Your Spirit write upon the table of my heart Your warning (Matthew 7:21-23; Proverbs 3:3)
O Most Holy God, I pray that this nightmare may never become reality.
Grant me, I beseech You, grant me, I invoke You, to always take time from this day forward,
To verify that I am still in communion with You,
To revisit my personal life of faith,
To revisit the life of faith of my wife,
To revisit the life of faith of each member of my household,
And only then may I consider ministry, O Eternal Almighty God,
And only then may I dedicate myself to the continuation of the work, O Just and Holy God.
Please have mercy on me, please have mercy on me
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!
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